38. Goal Strategies - Mid-Year Check In with Replay of Episode 12

In recognition of being at the mid-point of the year, we're going to revisit an earlier episode on the topic of goals. This episode originally aired on January 17, 2024 in recognition of National Quitter's Day, the day that most people give up on their New Year's Resolutions.

What makes people abandon their New Year's resolutions, and how can you avoid falling into the same trap? Join us for an eye-opening conversation with Gabrielle Ferguson, a seasoned goal strategist from London, who shares her expert advice on setting and achieving meaningful goals. You'll learn how to turn ambitious dreams into achievable milestones by balancing goal-setting with effective systems, ensuring that you stay motivated and avoid common pitfalls like "procrasti-planning."

Gabrielle's practical tips on realistic planning and sustained effort will inspire you to refine your objectives and keep the momentum going for the rest of the year.

We also tackle the powerful role of identity and labels in shaping our behaviors and achieving our goals. Discover how to reframe negative labels into strengths, especially for introverts aspiring to leadership roles. Learn why consistent action and mindset shifts are crucial for long-term success, particularly if you're returning to the workforce.

Through relatable anecdotes and actionable strategies, this episode provides a comprehensive guide to aligning your identity with your goals and making meaningful life changes.

Bonus Episode 1: Consistency & Goal Achievement
Bonus Episode 2: Roles of Envy & Coaching in Goal Achievement
National Quitter's Day

Ways to contact Gabrielle:
www.GabrielleFerguson.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabiferguson/

Grab a Free Resume Template for Stay at Home Moms.
Interested in my 1:1 Career Comeback Coaching program? Let's chat!
Send me an email ---> christina@hernextchapters.com
Connect with me on LinkedIn ---> www.linkedin.com/in/kohlchristina

Transcript

Christina Kohl: 0:04

Hi and welcome to Her Next Chapter's podcast. I'm your host, Christina Kohl. I'm a mom of three and soon to be an empty nester. I'm also a certified HR pro who restarted my career after being a stay-at-home mom for over a decade. I created this podcast to connect with moms who have an empty nest on the horizon and are wanting to redefine their identity outside of motherhood, which might include a job search. On this show, we'll have raw conversations about our ever-changing roles as moms. We'll hear from women who restarted their careers and share tips for a job search after a career break. So if that's you, you're in the right place. Friend, let's get started. Well, hi, friends, Welcome to this week's episode of Her Next Chapters.

Christina Kohl: 0:54

I cannot believe it is already July. I'm recording this on June 28th and since it is halfway through the year, I thought it might be a really good time to revisit goals, because we shouldn't have to reserve that only for January 1st, for New Year's it's mid-year's Eve, almost right. So I think it's a really good time to revisit goals, and so we're going to go back to a previous episode where I had an interview with my guest, Gabrielle Ferguson and she is a goal strategist and back in January we talked about Quitter's Day, which is just a couple weeks into the year when most people give up their New Year's resolutions. So there's a lot of great content there around setting goals and how to stick with those goals, and I thought this would be a really good opportunity here at the halfway point of the year to bring that episode forward and give you guys a listen, Because I know not everyone who is listening today was listening back in January. So I'm going to bring that episode forward to you and I think, like I said, it's a good time of year to kind of revisit our goals and figure out what we want to do and accomplish for the second half of the year. All right, with that, let's go ahead and listen in to my conversation with Gabrielle.

Christina Kohl: 2:10

Welcome everyone to this week's episode of Her Next Chapter's podcast. Today I'm so excited to introduce you to our guest, Gabrielle Ferguson. Gabrielle hails from London, United Kingdom, and is an experienced and effective coach and consultant. Before consulting and coaching, she spent over a decade working in-house, leading initiatives in the areas of human resources, talent, DEI and learning and development. Gabrielle holds a master's in human resources management and is an accredited coach with a diploma from the International Authority for Professional Coaching and Mentoring in London. She is also trained in a range of psychometrics, including DISC, MBTI and Hogan, and is also a qualified mental health first aider. Gabrielle is passionate about using a practical behavioral change approach to her work to facilitate moving people from awareness to positive action and take their goals from aspirational to achieved. Gabrielle, welcome to the podcast.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 3:13

Thank you so much, Christina. What a lovely introduction. I'm really excited to be here and to chat all things with you today.

Christina Kohl: 3:24

And Gabrielle, you and I have a lot in common. We both have had extensive careers in human resources. We both have left our corporate careers in HR to become coaches this past year and this past year I can actually say last year, 2023. Yes, at the same time and have gotten certified to coach in our respective disciplines, and so that's kind of a neat thing that we have in common. Before we kind of get into the meat of everything that we're going to talk about today, if you can tell us a little bit more about your background and what led you to become a goal strategist, yeah, absolutely so.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 4:02

Yes, lots of similarities in our profiles and backgrounds. So my human resources and talent development work, as you said in my lovely intro, over a decade, which feels a little bit alarming to be able to say that. Lots of different roles across many different industries. I've always prided myself on being someone that is ambitious and hardworking but also really passionate about what I do. So I quote unquote climbed the ranks fairly quickly, I would say, and really loved challenging myself by entering different industries and I realized a big part of what I do and how I do it is trial and error and almost enjoying the process of trial and error and making sure that I learn from that.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 4:54

In terms of transitioning and pivoting and now becoming self-employed, 2020 was a really pivotal year, I think, for everybody in different of the quote around 2020 and the kickstart of lockdown and so on is that we were all in the same storm, but in different boats. Our boats were different, the setup and circumstances with which we went into lockdown. Everybody's was different, slightly different or very different, but actually we were all in the same storm. I don't know anybody that has come out of that period of time exactly the same as they were before.

Christina Kohl: 5:35

Yeah, I love that. I haven't. I haven't heard that. The different, same storm, but different boats. That's very an excellent metaphor for what we all experienced.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 5:47

And it's visual, isn't it? As well we can. We can almost close our eyes and see it, and so, um, my storm and my boat tested me to to the limits. Honestly, it was the real um kickstart for me to do some serious thinking about the direction I was heading in in all areas of my life. As I said, I'm someone that prides myself on being very ambitious and for the first time I got to stop. I was still working in my job. If you worked in HR during that period of time, we were busier than ever because everybody comes to HR for that support and guidance and it was a new situation for everybody. So, in terms of work, I was busier than ever. But everything else in my life stopped and I actually got a chance to breathe and really reflect and really look into the future of. You know, we didn't know how long that period of time was going to last and it really made me consider the direction I was going in.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 6:52

For the first time, I got to slightly come off that rat race track of working really hard and doing all the things and, you know, brunching at the weekends and really a lot of distraction, I would say, being being very transparent so early on in this episode I got to start as we mean to go on, christina. I got to pause and so coaching unofficially in my role for many years, but I decided right, it's really time to get qualified now and doing my completing my coaching qualification was instrumental. It was like the light bulbs clicked on and I really got that feeling. Although I was successful in my career and enjoyed parts of it, I really got the sense this is what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, this is what I'm supposed to be doing with my days and my energy, and I get to bring all of my skills together and channel them into coaching and helping others make the transformation that they want to. So I would say, really that was the kickstart of me becoming a goal strategist. And then, of course, there are many coaches in the world. Fun fact for your listeners only 1% of people that work and operate as coaches are actually certified and qualified by a regulating body. Yes, so we are in that 1%. We are in that minority, firmly in the minority. But it was really important for me to do that and to learn different tools and techniques.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 8:31

One of the hardest things when you start coaching or any business is to identify your niche, and we've had offline discussions around that and really it came to me and clicked together that something I've always been really good at is setting goals and talking people through their goals, and I've got a real curiosity around that. I've always been fascinated to learn and understand why are some goals really actually quite straightforward and easy to attain and others stay on the list year after year after year? And if I could sum up my coaching practice and my ethos, it's helping people solve that question for themselves and it's some really fascinating stuff. It brings together all of my lines of interest and my skills into my coaching practice and the program that I run and I think we'll get into the nitty gritty of that in this episode. So sorry for such a long answer to your question, but I think that really takes you on the journey of how I got to where I am.

Christina Kohl: 9:34

Yes, absolutely. Thank you for sharing a lot of inspirational nuggets in there, so I appreciate that. The reason, gabrielle, I've invited you now as a goal strategist is that January 12th, just a few days ago, was the national international quitters day. So I was really surprised to learn that the second Friday in January is known as Quitter's Day because it is the most likely day for people to give up on their New Year's resolutions. January 12th, I mean, I haven't even set resolutions because I know that I don't keep them.

Christina Kohl: 10:14

So maybe I'm already a quitter before I, even before the year even began. We'll talk about that later. Maybe I'm already a quitter before I, even before the year even began. We'll talk about that later. I have a word, an intention word for the year rather than Right, but it's just fascinating that that this research shows. Let me see. It was. Research conducted by Strava, which is a social network for athletes, has discovered that the second Friday in January was the fateful day when most quitters motivations began to falter. And they were. You know, by analyzing over oh my gosh 31.5 million global January activities. I don't know how they have access to all of that, but it's a social network. Strava was able to pinpoint the second Friday in January as Quitters Day. Social network Strava was able to pinpoint the second Friday in January as Quitters Day.

Christina Kohl: 11:03

So who better than to invite on the show, than a goal strategist, to talk about goals, resolutions and how to make our changes and our intentions stick in 2024. Are you still going strong or have you talked yourself out of what you really want to do? And, Gabrielle, why do we do this? Why do you think so many people set these resolutions? And already in early January and I read somewhere else I think it was in Forbes that the majority of people are actually like right now maybe people are losing motivation, but the majority of people are done Like they've completely forgotten about their resolutions by mid-March, Like they're not even on their mind anymore. Why do we do this? Why is that in our nature, collectively, that we approach things this way?

Gabrielle Ferguson: 11:48

Oh, christina, I've got many thoughts on International Quitters Day, so if I start with, there are many different forms of quitting. Let's start there. So, in terms of the audience listening, and we'd love to hear from you in regards to this episode, how many of you of us have quit already and what is your form of quitting? So some people's form of quitting is refusing to set any kind of new year's resolution, and that's basically a goal. You know, it's a nice, nice title for a goal of some description. How many quit by refusing to set them in the first place? How many quit by falling off the wagon? Quit by falling off the wagon? So it's starting with this really strong intention, really going from zero to a hundred on the goal. So going from, let's say, let's take the goal of fitness, going from living quite a sedentary lifestyle to suddenly being in the gym six days a week you know a huge leap. To hit it hard and really start strong. That is impossible to maintain. So we've got the people that fall off the wagon. And then, as you said, there's another form of quitting, which is talking yourself out of what you've already set. So you set the intention, you set the goal, you set the resolution. So you set the intention, you set the goal, you set the resolution and then, within a few weeks, we start to dial it back, we start to shift the timeline. We said we were going to do something in six months. Now we're giving ourselves to the end of the year. We, you know, talk ourselves out of what it is that we really want to action and change. So I think a really interesting place to start. If on, you know, today is the 17th, if you fall into one of these categories, what's your category? And I really encourage people to take a note of that. Obviously, if you're driving, take a mental note and you can write that down later. Please stay safe. So that's the first one.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 13:56

The second thing is there is a really interesting relationship between goals, systems, ie our strategy of getting there, our mechanism or method that we've chosen to achieve that goal. This, when I learned what I'm about to share with you. This changed my life in in multiple areas, so I think let's just get straight into it. There are actually three layers of behavior change, but most people only know about the first two. So goals and systems. So goals are typically things that we want. They might have been on the list for a while. The goal may have grown over time in relation to our life circumstances. So we decide on something. So that could be this is the year I'm going back to work after a break, or it could be fitness, could be career change completely.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 14:53

Whatever the goal is, and typically we focus a lot of our energy and attention on setting the right goal those of us who have experienced corporate life we know about smart goals. You know that acronym and all the different components of a goal. We might have used another framework called ok eyes, objective, key results and indicators. That's's another corporate tool that we use where we have to spend a lot of time and effort and energy and investment on figuring out all the different angles of the goal before we commit to it. So we spend a lot of time there.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 15:34

And then the second place we spend a lot of time is on the system, aka the strategy, the mechanism and what we tend to do. So, listeners, you know also I encourage you to take a note of this we spend a lot of time on the system, creating the system, copying someone else's system that's achieved the result that we want, researching to buy the right system, the right course, the right program, the right stationery. I can't possibly start working on my goal until I have the most perfect planner or notion template, or, you know, highlighter pens in the most perfect color. There's a really interesting term for that, the stationary piece that I came across recently, which is called procrasti planning. So actually just the pure planning of doing something can be its own unique form of procrastination.

Christina Kohl: 16:37

Guilty, I'm a master planner.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 16:43

I'm a master planner. Is anybody else in the club of that? You know I can't possibly start until I've crafted the most perfect plan. And again, what tends to happen? The system itself sucks up a lot of our time, energy, investment, and so we fiddle with it and the system becomes more and more extreme. This applies, I think, particularly if the goal is deeply personal. Most goals involve some kind of change. It might be something that we've wanted for a really long time, so it eats up that period of time when we're thinking about the goal.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 17:21

In relation to your original question, why does this happen? Why do people quit so early on in the year? The setting of the goal and the crafting of the system takes up a lot of your motivation and willpower and it's unsustainable. So it feels like we're doing a lot and yet we've made no progress, because all we've done is write down the goal 50 different million ways and created three different systems. And now we're researching you know, the perfect planner on Etsy, and we've been doing that for three and a half weeks and our brains get a little bit tired juggling that in and amongst all the other things that we have to do. So I think a large part of it is actually misunderstanding this relationship between goals and systems.

Christina Kohl: 18:14

Everything you're saying is spot on. It makes total sense that we would, because I've been in that. I don't want to call it a trap. I guess it is a trap because you feel like I felt like, oh, I'm doing all this work but then I have nothing to show for it. And that's where, maybe on the subconscious level, my brain is like I bother, you're spinning your wheels and not even moving forward. I'm frustrated, give up. Why, bother, you're spinning your wheels and not even moving forward. I'm frustrated, give up. And that that's happening, maybe even not in our conscious mind, but in the background with you. Know, if you're running, running on a treadmill versus trying to actually get somewhere, it gets, and nothing against running on a treadmill, or if that's a good analogy or not. But if you're trying to like, get from point A to point B and you're spending all your energy stationary even though you're running and running and running, if you're not actually moving forward, that's just kind of inherently frustrating. So that makes a lot of sense.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 19:15

A hundred percent and to feel you mentioned some some lovely words there and emotions to feel frustrated. Nobody wants to feel you mentioned some some lovely words there and emotions to feel frustrated. Nobody wants to feel frustrated for the remainder of the year in regards to this goal. You know so it's. It's not a comfortable place for for us as human beings, we we'd like to move on from frustration, and the quickest way to move past frustration is to stop, to park it. Park it for the right time, park it for when things are less busy, for, you know, when the kids are older, when I've got more support, when this is finished, when this has started, and we tell ourselves a little bit of a lie, which is it will be easier when, this will be easier when. So what's the point of me working on this now? Let me wait for X, y and Z component to happen.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 20:12

So we don't like to live in that place of frustration and we start to associate that feeling of frustration, maybe disappointment and just that general stagnation I think is a good word for it. I'm not moving forward on this we start to really associate that with the goal itself the career change, the going back to work, the fitness. We start to associate the two and that's further demotivates us. Right, yeah, makes sense, makes complete sense, right, complete sense. So, um, this is something, as I said, there's something that really fascinates me, um, and I and I hope it's interesting for your listeners and explains a lot as to why some things seem more actionable than others and some things stay on the list, and I think it also explains why part of that quitting component might be that we talk ourselves out of it. You know, oh, oh, you know, it wasn't that serious in the first place. Oh, it was a bit of a pipe dream. You know, we try to talk ourselves out of what we actually want because we're experiencing that frustration and that stagnation.

Christina Kohl: 21:30

Right, or it's easy to externalize it as well. Well, no one's gonna hire me. I applied for five jobs and I didn't hear back. It's just too late for me. Yeah, you know it's, it's just not going to happen. So why? Why keep trying and allow those external cues to to kind of mess with our mindset? And I'm giving that example, but there's, there's, you know that could be the case. You know I went to the gym three times and you know the all the equipment's busy. So why, you know, I'll just wait. I'll just wait until everyone else. You know I'll wait until February, and then it's not really on your mind anymore. You know there's just so many external cues that if you don't have that internal motivation piece, whatever it is, and that's you know, and that's you had mentioned three things. So you told us the first two. So I'm thinking that the third one might be the key. So what is? What is that third component? What can we do to like actually achieve what we want to achieve?

Gabrielle Ferguson: 22:33

The third component, the secret, the key to behavior change and goal attainment that sits underneath the goals, underneath the system, is our identity. So you're spot on that this becomes internal. This is now. Now we're beyond motivation and we're beyond willpower when it comes to our identity, beyond willpower, when it comes to our identity, which is who we say and think we are. It also our identity is who we say and think we are. Not. Both sides of the coin make up our identity.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 23:16

So a really easy way to start with this is think about how do you introduce yourself when you go to a dinner party or you're at a super awkward networking event, for example, online or in person. How do you identify yourself? What do you say? Where do you start self? What do you say? Where do you start?

Gabrielle Ferguson: 23:44

The first couple of things that you mentioned will give you a really clear idea as to what your identity is. So, for example, my identity for the last 10 years has been I work in human resources, I'm an HR person. That's what I used to say. I'm an HR person, so of course, I would understand this. I'm an HR person. Of course I don't do that. That was at my core at my foundation. It's what I studied. It's what I've been working towards since I was a teenager. You know, I was very clear on my goals and my dreams of working in HR from quite a young age, which I think is quite rare for working in HR. I think it is. I was a strange teenager. But you know, I would literally say to people I'm an HR person. Now, in hindsight, I was never an HR person. I worked in HR. I had built a career in HR. But to say I'm an HR person, I mean, doesn't that just say it all?

Christina Kohl: 24:50

That's your whole identity, yeah, and there's no room for anything else. I would say one of the challenges that I had, or just as a stay-at-home mom when I was a stay-at-home mom for 13 years I would go to those times, whether it's my husband's work event, maybe a holiday party, or just you know, friends or gathering people I hadn't seen in a while. And what do you do? And I'm just a mom, mm-hmm, and I'm just a mom, and I want to have a whole episode on this piece of that word. Just, it's a four letter word that, as moms, need to stop saying, because it minimizes everything that comes after it. And particularly when I was in professional settings, and what do you do? Well, I'm just a stay at home mom, and usually then we talk about the kids and all that.

Christina Kohl: 25:39

But that was my identity. There's so much that full-time caregivers do that just isn't paid, but it's. There's a ton of accomplishment and respect, but internally I didn't feel that, yes, that's what. What was really challenging and coming back to work was standing. It was an identity shift. I had to see myself as a professional in order for anyone else to see me that way. Now we know that the key is in our identity. How do we get there? And then how does that play out with the systems and the goals?

Gabrielle Ferguson: 26:18

The first place to start is clarity. We have to get clear on what your identity currently is and almost map out, because the real luxury and benefit of being an adult now is we get to choose our identity, and this might be the first time people are hearing this or hearing information along these lines, but so much of our identity is actually given to us, assigned to us by friends and family as we're growing up, by our experiences at school, our experiences in further education, maybe even our early work experiences. How many of those labels have you picked up and then kept carrying? And that's a really interesting mapping exercise that I get people to do. You know, with support from me, as we map out the whole thing, everything that we can think of, and then right go through with a highlighter, which ones are you do you want to keep and which ones are you prepared to let go of. Because you have a choice, you have an agency in this.

Christina Kohl: 27:34

Right to let go of, because you have a choice, you have an agency in this right. I mean, I even think of, as we were talking, um, not just a professional identity, but even I was a shy, quiet kid growing up, and so people would say, oh well, you're so shy, or you're so quiet, or, and when my daughter was starting to come to be to move through the world that way, in a very quiet way, people would ask oh, is she shy? And I would not let them label her that way. I said no, she just doesn't feel like talking right now, and I resisted the label because I had that label put on me and then it's very easy to live up to that label.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 28:12

Oh, you're the quiet one. One thousand percent, christina, one thousand percent. The labels You're the shy one, you're the loud one, you're the smart one, you're the pretty one, you know. And those become then expectations, not just the expectations of others, but the expectations we then have of ourselves, and those play out over and over and over again. So it's really important to stop and really and I really encourage people to do this the old fashioned way, with good old pen and paper, because there's something magical about that and actually write them out. Write out the labels. You can do these in buckets, in categories, if that's more helpful for you.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 29:00

So what were the things that I heard about myself from friends and family as a kid? And then move to school and then move to, you know, university, if that's helpful, if that's an easier way to process it. For example, in all of my school reports pretty much every school report that I had, you know, at the end of the year, from the age of kind of nine or 10, all the way up in every school report was that I talk too much, every single one. I talk too much to the people around me, you know, in class, and not in a, you know, disruptive, naughty way, but that was kind of a bit of my, my, my label, my reputation. But guess what? I now talk with people for a living, helping them, helping them transform. So some of these labels, I think you know what. Actually, I'm happy to keep that one because I've utilized that. Yeah, I'm really good at talking to people, I've harnessed the power of it rather than letting that be a negative. So there's some reframing that you might want to do as well.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 30:14

I actually have a number of introvert, introverted clients, people that identify as an introvert, and done some really interesting work with them to repackage. You know, I identify as an introvert but I do want to be a leader. But in my company, for example, or the people that get rewarded and promoted are more extroverted and I say to them that's fine, you can absolutely be a leader in your own way. Let's look at the positives, the benefits, the skills of your introversion, and then we'll look at how you're going to articulate that to others and then we'll look at how you're going to articulate that to others. So let's take that label and let's harness the power of it rather than letting it hold us back. But that starts with clarity and then your choice. It's your choice as an adult which labels you want to keep. And I would really encourage kind of talking out loud here, kind of talking out loud here.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 31:16

Once you've done that initial exercise, then look at the goal that's been on the list or you've been putting off or procrastinating on or talking yourself out of. What links can you make between your current identity and those labels and that goal? The other real key I'm giving away all my best secrets to you and your listeners now, christina but the other really key thing is to ask yourself for you, when you're talking about yourself, what comes after the phrase I deserve. What follows that phrase in your mind I deserve. What comes after I don't deserve, or people like me don't, what Don't get promoted, don't change careers at 44, for example. What do people like me do, people like me don't do, can also be really strong indicators of your identity.

Christina Kohl: 32:16

Because how do we make the shift that might be necessary to achieve what we want to achieve?

Gabrielle Ferguson: 32:25

So where do we go from there?

Gabrielle Ferguson: 32:26

So, we've completed the clarity part Super important. That comes first, and then I would encourage to look back at the goal. Whatever the goal is. So let's say, returning to work. 2024 is the year of my return.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 32:46

What kind of person, what identity do I need to hold in order for that goal to be achieved or to be inevitable? I think that's the biggest question what's the kind of person that I need to be Now? By this I don't mean you have to have a complete personality transplant in order to achieve your goal Of course not, but it might be. I'm the kind of person and I know that your, your audience is targeted to working women and working mothers. Maybe it means I need to become the kind of woman that doesn't completely sacrifice herself for her family. Maybe I need to become the kind of woman that protects time and space for my own goals, that carves that out when other people are always trying to take that from me. I need to be the kind of person that has really strong boundaries and discipline myself to protect them and discipline myself to protect them.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 34:06

It's more of those kinds of changes than completely changing yourself. What are the things I need to up? What are the things I need to let go of? Maybe I need to let go of the judgment from my friends, my family, the neighbors around returning to work. Maybe I need to give that up. Maybe I need to give up pleasing everybody people pleasing Maybe that's the most important thing that's got in my way up till now. So I think, really asking yourself that question, maybe doing a brainstorm around that. What can be helpful so some tips and tricks is looking at any role models that you have in this area.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 34:50

Both you know real people that are known to us, people we actually know it could be. You know celebrities, thought leaders, but success leaves clues. So if other people have made this transition, maybe it's you, christina. Maybe you're inspiring people as I speak, you know, looking for those clues to success and really doing your homework, not in a procrastination way, but in a learning way. What do those people do that enabled them to make the leap, the jump, the shift that I want to make this year? What can I learn from that? And then assess it in line with your identity.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 35:34

So the final piece of the puzzle, then, is understanding and knowing that a real human condition, a part of what it means to be human, is. We want to live in alignment with our identity as human beings. We hate that imposter, fraudulent feeling of saying one thing but doing and feeling another. We hate that it makes us squirm. So, for example, if I am running, let's say, an Instagram page all around healthy living and consistency and healthy habits and all the rest of it, and I send the post while I am knee deep in a tub of Ben and Jerry's I haven't hit the gym in three months you know there is a. There's going to be a part of me that squirms, that feels really uncomfortable from what I'm, I'm saying and representing and what I'm actually doing and who, who I actually am.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 36:43

And so the real trick and I think this is the key to why some goals, if you look at your life across the years, there are some intentions that you've set that have been quite straightforward to achieve. Maybe happened quicker than you imagined, easier than you imagined. Using myself as an example any goal that I set around career salary, even industry that I wanted to work in because being an HR person was such a key cornerstone of my identity. Any goal that I set in that area was quite straightforward. It doesn't mean once I hit the goal it was exactly how I thought it would be. Of course not. That's life.

Christina Kohl: 37:29

That's the joy of life.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 37:30

But in terms of getting there and achieving it and ticking it off, I did it because it was in alignment with who I was as a person. There are other areas of my life that have remained stagnant up till now, up to the last year. So once I understood the relationship between these three things identity, systems and goals. When I say it was life-changing, I really mean it, and I first just to pay homage. I first came across this kind of framework in James Clear's book Atomic Habits. So it wasn't created by me I don't want to give that impression, but I have taken that and then added my own layers and spice to it to make the program that I run. But it really is life-changing. So that's the identity piece. It should then shed light on your goal and therefore the system in terms of okay, so what do I actually do? What's the tangible? Your system.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 38:32

I'm a big believer in actually taking first a look at all of your trial and error, actually capturing again, taking a little bit of time, a little, investing a little bit of reflection time first into capturing the lessons from all your trial and error, all of your past I don't like the word failure personally but all of your past failures, let's actually look at what didn't work. So, because actually your system, the right strategy for you, probably sits within that trial and error Taking the bits that worked and learning from the bits that didn't what would that then look like? Rather than copying a stranger's strategy or system that we found online, I'm a really big believer in personalization and individualization. We've all made that mistake of thinking somebody else had this magic bullet answer to our problems. Actually, we have the answer and there's a lot that we can learn from taking a moment to look back and reflect and learn. So we want to start there and then, as per James Clear's book, what we then do in terms of that goal is look at what are the kind of daily steps, habits and practices that, if given enough time over time, we would hit the goal inevitably. It would be inevitable to hit it, and every day, every time, we complete that action. So, for example, scanning job postings on LinkedIn and reaching out to recruiters.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 40:14

If I am looking to return to the workforce and I make that a daily or weekly habit consistently I'm placing a vote as the kind of person who is ready to return to work. That's what I'm doing If I apply for one job and I'm unsuccessful and then I give up. That's not who I am If I'm saying I am ready to return to work and I'm going to take these consistent actions. Eventually it's inevitable. It's inevitable, you'll find an opportunity. So every day, you have the opportunity to vote for who you are in the showing up. I think the real secret is in the showing up In your actions. In your actions, yeah, in your. Yeah in your actions.

Christina Kohl: 41:02

In your actions yeah, in your in, yeah, in your actions, and I would also. Oh, I want to, I'm thinking about it and I'm going to, but it's the actual trying you know right, I would eliminate do a yoda and eliminate the word try.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 41:16

There is no try. You're either doing it or you're not. And if you're really committed to this, because this is who I am, then anything in between I know this is going to sound a little brutal, a little direct, but anything in between is some kind of excuse or procrastination and that sounds really direct and it is. But actually part of the commitment is this is just who I am. And if it's just who I am, then there's no caveats, there's no wriggle room, there's no if, buts and maybes. So, for example, I am not a smoker, I don't smoke, I've never smoked, ever. I'm not interested in smoking, I'm asthmatic, so it's not a good idea for people like me to smoke anyway. But you'd be amazed. You know what people do. And so it's not, because that's just not a part of who I am and how I operate. You could offer me 500 cigarettes on 500 days and the answer would always be no, I'm not a smoker, I'm not curious about it, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. The answer is just no. So it doesn't matter what day I've had, it doesn't matter how stressed I am, it doesn't matter how under pressure I am. It doesn't matter if people are supporting my decision or not. That's just not a part of my identity, same way that, personally, I don't eat McDonald's not a part of my identity.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 42:51

So, if you can get that, think about your non-negotiables and apply those to the things towards your goal. If you're rock solid on passionate on topics, the things towards your goal. If you're rock solid on passionate on topics, for me it's smoking or McDonald's. So you know what's your version of that. I'm rock solid in that. It doesn't waver day to day. That's how committed you need to be to your goal and then it really is inevitable. Then we don't need to worry about dates and deadlines. We have full trust and belief and alignment that this is happening and it could happen quicker than you think. Because the real key to all of this is consistency, and I know from myself that's where I've taken my time over the years in certain areas. But it really is that simple. It really is.

Christina Kohl: 43:40

I know for me, when I got laser focused on returning to work. Well, I hired a coach in October and we were only meeting a couple of times a month, but by the time January came around, I'm like, all right, I'm, I'm there, I'm ready, and was really, really focused. I interviewed at the company that I wound up working at in March. I applied for them in early March. I started in April. So, even though I say it was a two-year journey, that part of that two-year journey was planning and dabbling and, yes, there was definitely a mindset shift that had to take place. And am I really ready and what's it going to be? You know just all of the doubts and all that I wasn't.

Christina Kohl: 44:27

I hadn't shifted my identity yet, and when that identity shift happened kind of in late, you know in the late part of the year, and then the action started happening at the beginning of the year, probably because it's new years and okay, this is it. Here I am, this is the year it's going to happen, this is and then it happened pretty quickly. Um, because I to you know, like your example is, was felt very um, close to to my experience, like I'm doing something every day towards this goal, because that's who I am. I am someone who's returning to work. That's that was my identity during that period. And then and then I did. The opportunity was there and it was the perfect opportunity for me at that point in time, but it was took me two years to get to that level of identity shift. Yes, and when I can write a reflection after you know, talking with you and reflection looking back, I can see that that identity shift was the key missing element from the spinning the wheels era.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 45:35

Oh my goodness, I can yeah, I can so relate, and I'm sure everybody listening can so relate. Exactly the same with me. I completed my coaching course, loved it, knew that this is what I was meant to do, felt scared about the change you know, felt scared about the identity shift that would be required, so I didn't do very much for a while. There was lots of thinking about it and lots of wanting it, but not much doing but not much doing. And then, as as per your example, hired a coach in April of last year and my real goal there was to get over the fear and explore the fear, and the fear was heavily linked to the identity shift. Um, and then, so that was April I started working with her, and August I finished up at my corporate job and left to go freelance.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 46:31

April to August, and, pretty sure, considering how much thinking time there had been beforehand, actual, actual action time was then very straightforward. And it's amazing, when you really do decide and commit and it's in alignment with your identity, there's something magical that happens in the world. I don't know what it is, but that level of clarity it's like the world kind of steps aside a little bit and just lets you run with it and you can amaze yourself with how quickly the right thing, person, opportunity, how quickly that pops up in your life Once you've made that decision. It's almost spooky how quickly that can happen.

Christina Kohl: 47:18

Yeah, how? The universe, like you put it out, like when there's that internal shift, it's like the universe, like you put it out, like when there's that internal shift, it's like the universe is like okay, now you're ready, here it is, you're able to manifest it. But it's not just like oh, I want this, it's all that other work that goes along with it that helps bring it about.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 47:37

If it was just yeah, if it was just in the wanting, if it was just yeah, if it was just in the wanting, you know we'd all be in the moldings right now.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 47:45

There are other things that need to happen, um, but but it it really can be much more simple and straightforward. I think, um, it's the, the shift, sacrifice and letting go that whenever, whenever you are making some kind of transformation or significant change, you know, changing even changing your hair color though, to be honest, could incite the same stuff. I was going to say that's a small thing and it's not. There's a shift, there's sacrifice, there's letting go and inevitably there may be judgment, that actually there might be judgment from people around you. You have to decide what you let that mean, because otherwise the fear of people's judgments slash opinions or the even just the anticipation of it, can keep you stuck for a really long time. Because the safest place to be to protect yourself completely from judgment is to do exactly what you're doing now and not change. That's the only place that's safe.

Gabrielle Ferguson: 48:56

If people meet me or know me and they're friends of mine and I'm doing X, y and Z, people meet me or know me and they're friends of mine and I'm doing X, y and Z, and I don't want to. I don't want to risk being judged or thought of differently by anybody. The safest place is to keep doing X, y, z, and it is that that kept me stuck in certain areas of my life for a really long time. Who hasn't Right?

Gabrielle Ferguson: 49:16

You know and people will be able to relate to that that actually you and I think part of that identity is you get to decide what other people's judgments mean, that the fact that if other people don't like a change that I've decided to make for me in my own life, is that enough to stop me in my tracks? Am I that kind of person that cares more about what Susan up the road thinks than what I feel in my body or whether I'm? You know in what way I'm contributing to my household? You know and I think that is something I wish somebody had said to me five years ago you know there's something.

Christina Kohl: 49:56

What are you going to make that mean, right? So we are definitely going to have to break this up into smaller little segments. Great stuff, and with that we actually did break it up into multiple episodes. So what you just listened to is the end of the original episode around goals. If you are interested in hearing more about my conversation with Gabrielle, there are two bonus episodes. One was on January 17th, and that is self-trust and consistency for goal achievement, and bonus episode number two was on January 18th, and that was the roles of envy and coaching in goal achievement. So if you wanna hear more about everything that Gabrielle talked about, go check those episodes out.

Christina Kohl: 50:44

I will go ahead and I think I can put those in the show notes. If not, just scroll and look for them. They are episodes 13 and 14, published on January 17th and January 18th. All right, happy goal setting for the rest of 2024. Right, happy goal setting for the rest of 2024. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope this episode hit home for you and, if you haven't already, be sure to connect with me on LinkedIn and say hello so I can personally thank you for listening. Until next time, remember your story is uniquely your own, and your next chapters are ready to begin.