Her Next Chapters

32. Graduation Reflections: Celebrating Milestones and Embracing New Beginnings

• Christina Kohl

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As my youngest son Alex is about to graduate high school, I reflect upon my silent, and unrecognized graduation as a parent in our local school district. With 3 kids, this is a role I've held for 21 years! In this episode, I reflect on the endings and beginnings that come with graduation, not only for our children, but also for us as moms. The spotlight is on the graduate, as it well should be, but a quiet reflection on the support we've provided them over the 13 years (K-12) to get to this moment is warranted.  

And as the graduates prepare for their next chapter, it's also a time for us as moms to contemplate what we want in our next chapter. 


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Christina:

Hi and welcome to Her Next Chapter's podcast. I'm your host, Christina Kohl. I'm a mom of three and soon to be an empty nester. I'm also a certified HR pro who restarted my career after being a stay-at-home mom for over a decade. I created this podcast to connect with moms who have an empty nest on the horizon and are wanting to redefine their identity outside of motherhood, which might include a job search. On this show, we'll have raw conversations about our ever-changing roles as moms. We'll hear from women who restarted their careers and share tips for a job search after a career break. So if that's you, you're in the right place. Friend, let's get started. Hi everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Her Next Chapter's podcast. I'm your host, christina, and here in my household this week it is graduation week. My youngest son, Alex, is graduating from high school on Friday.

Christina:

If you're listening in real time, this episode is going live on Wednesday, May 22nd, and Alex and I will be visiting his elementary school for a clap out ceremony on Wednesday morning. This is where all the high school seniors go back to their elementary school, if they still live in the area. They wear their cap and gown and they walk the halls of their elementary school, while the whole school comes out to applaud them. And it's great because they get to visit with their teachers and their principal and just get showered with love and appreciation, and so I'm excited to go back and do that with him. And the other thing is their senior sunset last week. Finals are already done, grades are finalized. They all leave handprints on the senior wall. Each class has a different color of paint that they use and layers upon layers. I think the school is about 15 years old now, maybe even a little older, and there's all those years of senior handprints. So just all these neat traditions that are happening and it's just really an exciting time. And, like I said, on Friday Alex is going to walk the stage and receive his diploma representing his achievement of 13 years of schooling K through 12, kindergarten through 12th grade and I am so very proud of him and looking forward to celebrating him.

Christina:

And, as you know graduation, it marks an ending and a beginning for the graduate. They've completed their formal schooling, the place that they entered just a few short years ago. Well, actually, for Alex and his class, you know, class of 2024, they started high school during COVID, so they didn't necessarily enter the building, but they were in a new space where more was expected of them, and they rose to the challenge over the years and they've succeeded. And now they get to do that all over again, whether they're going away to college and starting over as freshmen, or if they're starting in the job market or whatever they choose to do next. So it's beginning and an ending, and kind of in the same moment.

Christina:

And if you're in that graduation season in your family too, maybe you can relate to like all these feelings and thoughts that are coming up for me. I mean for the graduates, their life is about to change, like they're going to be moving away, or at least my son. He's going off to college and he's going to be moving away from home for the first time. Living away from home, he's going to be away from all of his friends and meaning, it's just a whole new world is in front of him. A whole new chapter is about to begin, and so his life is about to change, and, as his mom, so is mine. I mean, in some ways it's going to be very subtle, but in other ways very profound.

Christina:

And with that I want to talk about what I consider kind of a silent and unrecognized graduation that is taking place in the background, but taking place at the same time as my son's graduation, and while the attention and focus absolutely belongs on the actual graduate, in this case my son Alex, I just want to take a moment to reflect on the behind the scenes graduation that's unofficially happening for the support crew that has helped the graduate over the last 13 years, aka mom and dad too. Of course, dad's always involved in offering support as well, but I know at least in my household, me as the mom I've been the primary parent as far as school goes, and part of that is because I've been a stay-at-home mom during much of my kids' schooling years, and just thinking of what it has taken to get from kindergarten to this Friday, when my youngest child graduates high school just all the day-to-day stuff of just even getting in the when they're little, getting the kids dressed, fed and ready to go to school on time and being their driver Cause we didn't have access to a bus and we were too, but we were way too far away to walk and being the one who navigated the occasional meltdown after the school day was over. I don't know if you can relate, you know, not that it happened all the time, but you know it happened, let's be real and of being the one behind the scenes at home making sure that the homework was done after school and helping with homework meltdowns and being the one to learn the new math, I'm putting that in quotes, so that I could help with said homework of new math. And I can't even count how many parent-teacher conferences I have been to as a parent over the last 21 years for my three kids, and I'm counting preschool for my oldest, and he's 23 now, and when he was in preschool they had parent-teacher conferences. So I have been doing this for 21 years, since 2003, and I will have no more parent-teacher conferences.

Christina:

I'm done, I've graduated. and also the one who sat in IEP meetings for years those are individual educational, individualized education plans for those of you who never, never, had a kid on IEPs and so and the one who has advocated for my kids in the school system year after year, making sure that their individual needs were met, and don't get me wrong, I'm not in the teacher's business, but there are times when I had to advocate on behalf of my kids and I proudly did so and I'm done. They've graduated and they're thriving. I'm just so excited. So, with Alex's graduation on Friday, I too am graduating from this school district. As a parent in the school district Now, I didn't earn any grades along the way, but I did earn the respect of educators and administrators through my volunteer work and, more importantly, like I said, for my advocacy for my kids when it was needed.

Christina:

And just like graduation is an ending and a beginning for our kids, our graduation and I'm putting that in air quotes is also an ending and beginning for us, especially like for, if, like my situation, if it's your youngest child and you're done, you're done with K through 12, or your only child. I mean I certainly felt accomplishment and all of that when my other two kids graduated. But this is different because after this, all ties are done, we're cut off, we're not part of the school district anymore whatsoever other than alumni. And even that I'm not an alumni other than alumni, and even that I'm not an alumni, my kids are, and I remember being so nervous about high school when Adam my oldest, when he first went in as a freshman, as a ninth grader, and they had like orientation stuff for them when they were ending eighth grade and the school seems so big and the expectations seem so high and I was just a nervous parent about my shy, quiet kid going into this big, loud environment. And now, 10 years later, I'm saying goodbye to high school again for the last time. There was, of course, my own graduation all those years ago when I said goodbye to high school and then now, with my youngest child's graduation this week, I'm saying goodbye to high school for the last time.

Christina:

And of course I'm not individually celebrating my graduation. That's in quotes. Again, I know you can't see me, but just even taking a moment to acknowledge it is enough for me. And well, I guess I'm also reflecting on it here with you, in case this resonates with you. And I am joining in Alex's celebration. We are having, throwing a party for him and really the party's for us too, for his dad and I and his family. We did invite all of our friends to help celebrate with us and not just Alex's friends. So I guess that party is a way to celebrate for all of us.

Christina:

And if you have a graduate in your household, and whether that's in the last year or two, or maybe in the next year or two, I encourage you to take a moment, even privately, just to acknowledge your own graduation from being a school parent and your own contributions of how you helped your child be successful, because, I'm telling you, they didn't do it alone. You supported them on their journey. And again, I'm not taking an ounce of anything away from our graduates, but just acknowledging the support that it took to get there and just that appreciation, even if it's just coming from internally, from ourselves. What you've accomplished mama, I'm talking to the women here, what you've accomplished in having a high school graduate, or college graduate, for that matter. And so, as you graduate from being a school parent, it's the closing of one chapter of motherhood and the beginning of a new chapter, not only in motherhood but in your life. And what does that new chapter look like for you? Will it be going back to work? Or maybe it'll be up-leveling your work? If you've already been working for a while, maybe you're ready to take on more. Or maybe it's the opposite. Maybe you're ready to downshift and maybe you can travel more because you don't have the constraints of the school calendar and you can travel whenever you want with your partner or with friends, whatever, and not be trapped by the school calendar because your kiddos off to college and living their life, or maybe even retirement is on your horizon, or volunteering more, or maybe you want to foster teenagers and help other kids. It's a change in your life too, and you have a whole world of possibilities ahead of you, just like your kids do. For me,

Christina:

I consciously made a career shift a little over a year ago so that I could be more engaged in Alex's last year at home before he heads off to college. I was working in corporate and all of my energy was going towards that job, and the little bit that was left over went to my family, but it just wasn't enough, and so that's why I made that decision to downshift my corporate career and launch my coaching career. This past year, I got my coaching certification, I've launched this podcast, I've been taking on clients and helping them, and I'm so grateful to have been able to create this new chapter for myself that has allowed me to be more present during Alex's last year of high school, and that includes being able to have the flexibility to take him on the college tours. So it's just been such a gift for us. And, with him heading off to college in a very few short months, I'm going to be really intentional about spending time with him this summer. Of course he's going to be with his friends and all of that, but I'm just going to be looking and mindful for opportunities to connect with him before he heads off to school. And then my next chapter includes investing even more time and energy in this podcast and continuing to help women in career transitions.

Christina:

So I'm curious what might the next chapter look like for you? Something to think about. So, whether or not you have a graduate in your household, I just encourage you to take a moment and to recognize and appreciate your own silent contributions. All of the things of you know taking the kids to school, making sure they're ready, making sure the homework's done, making sure they've got lunch to eat, and all the things that we do as parents, and specifically as moms. Just take a moment and appreciate that for yourself and recognize all that you're doing, because sometimes it's just invisible labor, right People? We just kind of do it behind the scenes without even thinking or being asked. So again, whether you have a graduate in your household right now or not, just take a moment and appreciate your own contributions and if it is a graduation, congratulations to you and your graduate.

Christina:

All right, that's all for this episode. Have a great week. I'll talk to you next time.