Her Next Chapters

78. Rest Isn’t Lazy - It’s Strategy. Part 2 with Guest Alexandra Clifton

• Christina Kohl

Share episode

We explore the distinction between sleep and rest with wellness coach Alexandra Clifton, diving into practical techniques for calming your nervous system and protecting your energy during major life transitions.

• Vagus nerve calming techniques including intentional yawning to increase oxygen flow and mental clarity
• "Shalom My Body" exercises that combine breathing, body positioning, and relaxation for stress reduction
• The importance of creating a "dopamine and serotonin menu" of activities that genuinely replenish your energy
• How to incorporate rest breaks throughout your day, especially during demanding periods like job searching
• The value of sitting down to eat mindfully, activating your rest-and-digest response
• Creative ways to maintain social connection as a form of rest, like scheduling "FaceTime dinners" with friends
• Recognizing when you're depleted and intentionally choosing activities that restore rather than drain you

Connect with Alexandra on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Pinterest @tobreatheagain (with the E at the end of breathe) and join her monthly workshops or digital detox waitlist.

Digital Detox Free Download + Join Waitlist

Workshop Link

To Breathe Again (TBA) Social links


Grab the Free Strengths-First Resume Template - it's perfect for anyone in career transitions, whether with a long career gap, a career pivot, or just ready for a change.
Want to chat about your career goals? Schedule a free call HERE.
Send me an email ---> christina@hernextchapters.com
Connect with me on LinkedIn ---> www.linkedin.com/in/kohlchristina





Christina Kohl:

Hi and welcome to Her Next Chapter's podcast. I'm your host, Christina Kohl. I'm a mom of three and soon to be an empty nester. I'm also a certified HR pro who restarted my career after being a stay-at-home mom for over a decade. I created this podcast to connect with moms who have an empty nest on the horizon and are wanting to redefine their identity outside of motherhood, which might include a job search. On this show, we'll have raw conversations about our ever-changing roles as moms. We'll hear from women who restarted their careers and share tips for a job search after a career break. So if that's you, you're in the right place. Friend, let's get started. Hey, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Her Next Chapters.

Christina Kohl:

This week we have a special guest joining us, Ms Alexandra Clifton, and Alexandra is a certified wellness coach and a holistic lifestyle consultant and a holistic lifestyle consultant. Okay, so this is a part two bonus episode with Alexandra. You'll hear me ask her a question if there's anything that I haven't asked her yet that she wished I had. And we went off on this whole tangent about sleep and calming techniques for focus and clarity, and she'll talk about the vagus nerve and even calming techniques for job interviews. And then we started talking about rest beyond sleep. So obviously we get rested when we sleep, but rest in the context of recharging and re-energizing. So I felt this was enough of a tangent to, like. You know, we went, we kind of went down this rabbit hole, if you will. But there was enough here. I didn't want to delete it and I thought it might be really helpful just to have it as its own episode. So here it is, Enjoy.

Alexandra Clifton:

So, alex, what questions have I not asked you that? An idea, or like a thought, that I do want to continue a little bit, is that idea of helping calm your vagus nerve. That's really impactful, for people who have had trauma are feeling overstimulated. The vagus nerve really helps us quiet and calm ourselves, and so using that yawning practice is great for when you need to fall back asleep, but you can use it actually during the day, and so I just wanted to point out that it's not actually making you more tired.

Alexandra Clifton:

The yawning is helping get oxygen to your brain and it's calming your body down, and so that is something you can use, even when you're hopefully the person doesn't get offended. But when you're in a class or you're feeling the tiredness that comes right after lunch say, there's somebody that is talking, getting stopped up because I'm not able to process as fast as what they're doing, if I've had not too good sleep or whatever's going on with me that day, I'll say give me just a moment and you can step into the bathroom or do it right there and just yawn to the right and to the left a few times and it brings on like a true yawn generally, and it actually helps calm you down, where your brain is more clear and you can have better focus as well, and so I love incorporating that just into my day. I have like a 12, 15 PM alarm, so at midday I check in with myself and say how am I doing, and I add some yawning or another type of activity that helps calm my nervous system.

Christina Kohl:

And where my brain went instantly because I'm also a job search coach is because I talk to people about you know, go to the bathroom if you have to if you're in person and do power poses. So you know, go to the bathroom if you have to if you're in person and do, um power poses so you don't be in the big star wonder woman. But now I'll be adding and yawn, turn to the left, turn to the right. Do some yawns, calm your vagus system, calm your nerves. Um, I'm excited to give that a try to, to see how that works for me. Um, I love that. It's so easy to do. But you know you might want to go to the bathroom or excuse yourself for a minute to do it. It might be a little silly if you're doing it in the interview. Um, yeah, yeah.

Alexandra Clifton:

And it's very helpful in a setting where you're like breaking the ice. So, say, you are the new employee and, um, just getting to know somebody over a coffee chat or something like that. Um, it's depends on your comfort level, but I've invited people to do one of my activities with me, so I'll say hey, I'm going to take a quick break because I can feel the tension or the stress, my nervousness, building up inside. Do you want to do this with me? Do you mind if I do this? And nine times out of 10, people will do it with me and we have a laugh about it afterwards. But you can feel the difference, the mental clarity, the calm in your body, and it's a great connection.

Christina Kohl:

Do you have other things that you do, or is that your primary exercise?

Alexandra Clifton:

Yeah, there's. There's actually a video on YouTube that I can send you if it's helpful to put in the show notes. It has five different ones, from um jim wilder and chris corsey showing the they call it shalom. My body exercises, so one of them is deep breathing, and if you focus on the exhale being longer than your inhale, that is helping calm your vagus nerve and calm your body down. So it's good to breathe in and hold.

Alexandra Clifton:

There's different types of deep breathing, but you could do something as simple as breathing in for four, holding for two to four seconds and then breathing out for six or eight.

Alexandra Clifton:

If you could hold it that long, no-transcript helps your body calm down. You could do about six to eight of those breaths. And then there's another one they do called reflexercise, and you have your palms up. You would tilt your head to the left, not touching to your shoulder or anything, but just a little off center to the left, and that's helping activate your vagus nerve. And then you're putting your tongue in between your teeth and that's helping make sure that you're not having a clenched jaw.

Alexandra Clifton:

Some people will naturally clench their jaw when they're stressed or anxious and they don't even notice that, and so that's just for everybody to be a part of the exercise. And then you can curl your toes. So you can do this in a seated or a lying position, and when your hands are resting on your thighs or at your side, with your palms up, you just would take deep breaths in through your nose and exhale out your mouth. But the position of holding your palms in the air, your head cocked to the left and your tongue in your teeth helps to actually relax your body interesting.

Christina Kohl:

I'm gonna have to give all of those a try and we'll definitely put that video in the show notes. And, alexander, you have such a calming, soothing voice. Um, I can see you being like when I'm starting to meditate and there's. You know, people, that guided meditation is what I want to say. And you just have a calm voice of okay, now put your tongue to the new teeth and put your in a good way, in a good way, all right. Well, so, alexander, we've talked today. I kind of drove you down that path because of my sleepless night. We talked about sleep, which often gets confused with rest, or not confused, but a parallel. But I think in your work you have a distinction between sleep and rest, and I wonder if we can go there and talk a little bit about what, what it means to rest, and also the connection to a job search if somebody is in a job search, how, how rest can be a strategy in their job search.

Alexandra Clifton:

Yes, I love that because it does get bundled unintentionally a lot of the times, and I've really been focused on rest this past year, like launching into full-time entrepreneurship and figuring out what does it look like in a new chapter to have rhythms of rest in a way that supports not only your long-term goal but your energy levels and how you show up in the day-to-day on that journey. And so as part of the digital detox, I actually have a dopamine and a serotonin menu of different things you can do that doesn't incorporate technology but helps you connect with others, with yourself, and just kind of give yourself a blank slate. And I think that is one of the key elements of rest for me when I'm talking with clients is if they have any space or margin in their life where they're able to let down, maybe give their brain a break from a certain type of task and move into something that's either restful, more creative, allowing their brain to kind of like veer off and park at the, I think, on the interstates.

Christina Kohl:

they'll have those view places where you can park and pull out for the view overlook.

Alexandra Clifton:

Yeah. So when you park at an overlook and you have no agenda, you're able to just be. It's amazing when we get into those rest spaces you might have certain thoughts that start flowing. You might have different level of self-reflection or self-awareness. I love adding in the element of checking in with yourself, so just asking yourself mentally it doesn't even have to be out loud, but it can be of how am I doing right now and seeing if you can identify any emotions or body sensations and then get any of those things that you need. So I commonly have tight shoulders if I'm feeling stressed and when I pause to check in I'll do some shoulder rolls and realize, okay, I need to actually step away from this or oh, okay, I didn't realize this subject was actually taking me deeper mentally or intellectually than I am posturing myself for and either get up and walk away and come back, if you're able to, or just doing something simple as like stretching your body and moving.

Alexandra Clifton:

I also find that when we have led really busy lives or we're in a situation, say like a job search, where it seems like you have an ongoing to-do list, where it seems like you have an ongoing to-do list that's putting in applications, checking if people have come back, preparing any of the resources you need to turn in. It's easy to get tunnel vision on that goal and so adding in elements of restful activities you can figure out if you like to do active rest. I enjoy going outside my house and just walking a loop around the neighborhood or something like playing with my dog, but you could also do something restful or more stillness focused, so simply being quiet, turning on music and sitting there with your eyes closed, something that allows your brain and body to just take a break and disengage from the to do and have a get to do and that was it that caught my attention was something that gives you energy, because your energy is depleted when you're in this example of a job search.

Christina Kohl:

You're searching for jobs, you're updating your resume, you're preparing for an interview, you're not getting called back. You know just the energy around that can get overwhelming. But to pause and maybe have a list of things that are energizing for you and for me too, like you said, going for a walk in the neighborhood with dog, um, or throwing the ball for her, or just even petting the dog, if you have a pet, that can be energizing and also for me, and I've been. I think there's a new term that I've learned this past year, called ambivert, so it's an extra introvert and extrovert and like, oh yeah, I can see that, because there's times when I need to be around people and I just get energized from it. But there's other times I'm like I want to be alone on the couch, nobody talked to me, I just need to cocoon for a little bit, like. So that ambivert for me, like oh yes, that's me, um, but recognizing when, tuning into ourselves and recognizing when we need those external things, that gives us energy versus the alone time, I guess, um, but maybe having a list of five or six things, and what do I have time for in this moment? Um, it's part of self-care, but it's we don't, you know, think self-care. We think of, oh, take a bath, or, or a bubble bath or something.

Christina Kohl:

But really for me, it's protecting energy and making sure that if I'm noticing the energy drain, okay, I need to take a pause and go do something that brings me energy. Calling a friend, having making a nice meal, not just a you know quickie thing, but, like you know, food can even that. I don't know, I don't know if this will make it in the past, like, sometimes, making food, making it, you know, being creative in the kitchen is really energizing and fun, and other times it's like, oh gosh, it's like I gotta get this done. I got people waiting on me to feed them. Um, so it just depends on the energy, you know, in a moment of which, of the menu that you for each person that they pick, to know that this is the type of energy that I need. But really protecting that energy it's hard to show in our lives as our best self if we're in energy depletion. So ways of rest not just sleep.

Alexandra Clifton:

But rest can help us um show up with energy and, speaking of energy, it one of the ways we protect. It is not, um, like, separate from boundaries. We can intentionally protect the time to do the thing we love, and so I personally really enjoy cooking, especially if I get to cook a new recipe. I just love the creativity of that, and although I really value and enjoy meal prepping, I might save one or two of my meals that week and use the cooking and prep as my breaks, and so that's like locked into the time, and so, as you find things that do light you up, that's a great way, even if it is technically. You need to cook dinner for the family or for yourself, letting it be one of your get-to-dos as well, and carving the time out so you get to do it, not stressed backed up to the deadline, is a great way to protect your energy, your energy and it might be a chore, so to speak, like everyone needs to eat tonight and we have to have dinner.

Alexandra Clifton:

So for people who are in the job search I know, at least for me, when I have been in the job search in a more stressful state it's really important for me to slow myself, look like showing gratitude for each of the ingredients as I'm cooking or blessing the people who did that task to get it to me.

Alexandra Clifton:

But also, physically, sitting down at the table to eat helps in the polyvagal, helps in the polyvagal. Going back to the polyvagal theory, sitting down to eat helps you get into that state where you can be in rest and digest and you actually extract more nutrients from your food, and so that is something that's very powerful to carve out the space for, especially if you can do it with social connection, so with somebody else in your household. If nobody else is with you, you can even do something I do with my friends, which is a FaceTime dinner, and so when I don't have somebody to eat with, I might text one of my friends and say, do you have time for FaceTime dinner tonight? And we'll sit on FaceTime. And one friend I do it in particular her and her two kids under three will be eating or making their dinner, but I have connection time, which is a way to relax and disconnect from life to-dos and tasks while you're eating.

Christina Kohl:

That's interesting. I'm thinking of how much time during covid, when we're all in lockdown, has created these new ways to connect, because that's probably not something you did in 2019, but since 2020. It's probably how that you picked up, and it's a great idea to add that layer of connection in real time. That's great. Well, alex, thank you so much for joining us today and sharing your wisdom and insights, and I know I've picked up a few nuggets of new things to try, particularly when I'm trying to go to sleep tonight, as well, as you know, rest during my waking hours too. So thank you for sharing all that with us and being with us today. All right, well, everyone. That wraps up this week's episode. Thanks for tuning in and we'll catch you next time. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope this episode hit home for you and, if you haven't already, be sure to connect with me on LinkedIn and say hello so I can personally thank you for listening. Until next time. Remember, your story is uniquely your own and your next chapters are ready to begin.