Her Next Chapters

87. From Empty Nest to What’s Next: Rebuilding Community and Identity

• Christina Kohl

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What happens when the community we built through our kids starts to fade? After years of bonding with other parents on sports sidelines, at school events, and in group texts, many women in midlife find themselves navigating a quiet but powerful shift—in friendships, identity, and purpose. 

In this episode, I share how my own shift from new motherhood to empty-nester-in-progress revealed just how temporary some of those connections can be. And how that loss often shows up right when we’re craving more meaning—in our relationships, in our work, and in our identity beyond “Mom.”

That’s why I’m reaching out to you. I’m exploring the idea of creating a space for midlife women navigating this transition—community, career support, personal growth… maybe even a retreat. But before I build it, I want to listen.

If you’re in this season too, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Join me for a 30-minute market research conversation, and receive a free 1:1 coaching session in return.

 Sign up HERE for a Market Research & Free 1:1 Coaching Call. 






Christina :

Hi and welcome to Her Next Chapter's podcast. I'm your host, Christina Kohl. I'm a mom of three and soon to be an empty nester. I'm also a certified HR pro who restarted my career after being a stay-at-home mom for over a decade. I created this podcast to connect with moms who have an empty nest on the horizon and are wanting to redefine their identity outside of motherhood, which might include a job search. On this show, we'll have raw conversations about our ever-changing roles as moms. We'll hear from women who restarted their careers and share tips for a job search after a career break. So if that's you, you're in the right place. Friend, let's get started. Hi, friends, and welcome to this week's episode of Her Next Chapters.

Christina :

This week we're going to be talking about kind of this midlife season of change. It's kind of like the whole reason behind this podcast. Right, we're midlife women, our kids are getting older, we're either entering the empty nest, like we know it's coming, or we're in it, and this is a time of transition and change in our personal lives, our professional lives, all of it. So with that backdrop, I have this desire it's been on my mind and heart for the last few months actually about building something, building a community for those of us that are in midlife, that are seeking more purpose, that are seeking connection, and I don't want to just build it for you, I want to build it with you. So I'm exploring the idea of creating a space for women in this midlife season, a community where we can support each other through the transitions that come after. The kids don't need us quite as much. This is where we can talk about career shifts, friendship changes, identity realignment and everything in between. I'm imagining a blend of community for connection, support and one-on-one coaching for clarity and growth, and even the possibility of a two or three day in-person retreat for reflection and renewal. But before I build it, I want to listen, and so I'm going to be hosting short market research conversations, just 30 minutes over Zoom. In exchange for your time and honest thoughts and input, I'm offering a free one-on-one coaching session to support you in whatever transition you're navigating right now, whether that be careers or anything else. If that sounds like something you'd be open to, I'd love to talk. There'll be a link in the show notes to sign up. So I kind of want to talk a bit more about this aspect of community and for me, and maybe you can relate to this too.

Christina :

When I first became a mom, I was the only one in my social circle that had become a mom and I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't have nieces or nephews around that I could like learn, like how to parent, and so it was just really. You know, my mom was nearby, which was great, she was a huge help, but I didn't have friends that were, that were raising kids. And, um, as soon as I became a stay-at-home mom, which is after my second child was born, I got out our neighborhood directory and it was a great directory. One of the realtors put it together and it had everybody's name, address, phone number, their profession and their kids' names and birthdays, which, looking back, that's kind of creepy because we probably shouldn't be publishing that, but they did. That's kind of creepy because they probably shouldn't be publishing that, but they did.

Christina :

And I went and found all the women in our neighborhood of like 200 houses, found all the ones that had stayed home moms, and we're talking like this is over 20 years ago, almost 23 years ago now, but I found these stay-at-home moms who had kids in similar ages as my two, which was a two-year-old and a newborn at the time. And you guys I called them, they didn't know me, we didn't know each other at all. I'm like, hi, I'm a fellow neighbor in Hidden Point and I have a two-year-old and a newborn and I wanted to know if you were interested in joining a play group that I'm creating. And you guys, I had six people say yes, me. Because we all wanted and needed community and it was great, because then you can talk about like okay, we're dealing with this, with potty training, anyone have any advice. And then, of course, over time, those parents not necessarily that core group of six, because our kids went to different schools and some people moved, but in general there was always a sense of community in parents, with parents of my kids' friends of the same ages. So, whether that's the second grade class or the baseball team or the gymnastics team, there's always this group of parents.

Christina :

That I didn't realize until later, as it kept happening over and over, is that those are often transitional relationships, circumstance-based relationships I know I'm not saying this quite the way I want to, but situational-based. So, yes, I see you on the sidelines at baseball, but next year our boys are on a different team, so I might see you one time at one game all season long the next year. You're like, hey, how you doing? Versus a whole season cheering side by side, cheering our boys on and talking, you know, between um. So those relationships change over time, but it's always so helpful because, whether it's from the potty training trips to prom night curfews, our fellow parents helped us figure it out all the way from.

Christina :

You know, do you have babysitter recommendations and how much do you pay your babysitter, right? I think everyone's asked that question and like and how much do you pay your babysitter? Right? I think everyone's asked that question and like okay, what age are we giving the first phones and what about rules for driving and dating? And then, now that I've got young adults you know, my daughter just graduated college but she's living here Should we charge her rent and, if so, what's appropriate? So, having that community to bounce things off of as we are each stage we are going through things for the first time and we're learning as we go. Right, it's the first time we've been a parent of a young adult, in my case, and it's just really helpful to have other people around to bounce ideas off of, and so it was a very important part of our lives and, like I said, a lot of those relationships were very situational.

Christina :

When the team ended, the season ended, then I wouldn't see those parents anymore, or maybe they moved or whatever. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do have a handful of relationships that I've been able to hold on to, where it's gone beyond our kids and we get together as adults without the kids. Actually, just last weekend I guess two weekends ago now we went to a friend's cabin and there was three couples and we had a great time and we all know each other through our kids and so that is possible, absolutely. But the older my kids got, the more I saw these relationships kind of peel away Just because of proximity. We're not seeing each other on the sidelines anymore, we're not seeing each other at elementary school pickup, we're not seeing each other at playdates because we just dropped them off and we're not seeing each other because the kids are driving themselves. So it's just gradual peeling away.

Christina :

And I know for myself I really want in this season of life those friendships and relationships, and without the context of our kids it can be kind of hard to create those new relationships, and so that's what I'm hoping to create in community and why I'm asking you listeners for your input, because I want to make sure I'm creating something that is meaningful to you and that would feel comfortable and exciting and something you would want to engage in, and I'm looking at creating a beta group to just get things started and test it out. But before that even is the market research, and that's where I would love to have just a 30-minute call on Zoom, where we talk, I'm going to ask a bunch of questions, take notes and get your input. What would this type of community mean for you, what would it look like, what would be useful? And then, in exchange for that, I want to offer you the one-on-one free coaching session. So, in addition to being a certified HR professional, I'm also a certified life coach, and I bring that to my coaching, and so that's something that I want to give back to you as a thank you for your time and spending the half hour with me for my market research questions.

Christina :

We'll then spend the second half hour doing life coaching for you, whatever it is, whether it's careers or anything else that's going on. I want to be able to give that back to you. So if this is of interest to you. Look in the show notes. I'm going to put in a link to my calendar to schedule it. It'll be a full hour. First half hour is just marketing research. Second half hour is the free coaching session, and I'm not trying to sell anything here, I'm just trying to get research.

Christina :

So I'd love to have you participate and, if this is something that you're interested in, obviously sign up. But if you have a friend that you know like oh my gosh, she is like the perfect one for this type of community Please send this episode to her and have her sign up. I'm looking to talk to at least five people, but as many as 10, because I really want to make sure that whatever I create is going to meet the needs of the people that I want to serve. All right, well, that's it for this week's episode. I'm excited for what's coming next and look forward to hopefully talking to you in person. Well, virtually on a Zoom call, all right? Well, have a wonderful week, my friends, and we'll talk to you next time. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope this episode hit home for you and, if you haven't already, be sure to connect with me on LinkedIn and say hello, so I can personally thank you for listening. Until next time, remember, your story is uniquely your own, and your next chapters are ready to begin.