Her Next Chapters

103. Gratitude, Conversations, and a Thanksgiving That Feels Like You

• Christina Kohl

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As we head into Thanksgiving next week, the holidays can feel full, quiet, joyful, overwhelming, or… a mix of all of the above. In this episode, I’m sharing three simple ways to navigate the holiday with more ease, more intention, and a lot more compassion for yourself.

First, I walk you through my 24-hour gratitude practice — a realistic, grounding approach to gratitude that actually works, especially during stressful seasons.

Next, we talk holiday conversations: how to avoid the awkward stuff, redirect questions you don’t want to answer, and start meaningful, low-stress conversations around the table.

And finally, I’m acknowledging something we don’t talk about enough — not everyone spends Thanksgiving around a big table. If you’re navigating an empty nest, working, spending the holiday alone, or doing it differently this year, I’m sharing ideas to help you feel connected, supported, and grounded.

Whether you’re gathering with family, spending the day solo, or still figuring out your plans, this episode will help you move into Thanksgiving with a lighter heart and a clearer head.

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Christina:

Hi friends and welcome to this week's episode of Her Next Chapters. Hey, I'm Christina, so glad to have you here. Really appreciate you guys. you know, it makes sense that I'm starting out with appreciation because this is the week before Thanksgiving. So it's all things gratitude, right? And family gatherings. And I know the holidays can look a little different for all of us that are in midlife. Some years are full and bustling and there's like... a full house and ⁓ conversations, filling the room. Other times it can be really quiet and sometimes it can be complicated with all those people together, right? And so the week before Thanksgiving is usually when it all kind of starts to hit us. So today I wanna walk us through three things that can help us move through the season a little easier. So first, I'm gonna share my favorite 24 hour gratitude practice, which has really helped the way that I experienced joy, especially during these overwhelming seasons. And then second, I want to talk about holiday conversations, right? when we gather a lot of people, we don't all have the same outlook and views and beliefs and all of that. So I want to give you some ways that you can redirect questions that you don't want to answer. And then also some meaningful conversation starters that you can keep in your back pocket. So you're not just stuck talking politics and you know, maybe other uncomfortable conversations. And then third, I want to acknowledge something that we don't really talk about enough. Like not everyone spends Thanksgiving around a big table. So whether you're choosing a quiet or holiday or maybe you're navigating an empty nest or you're working or you're just spending the holiday differently this year, you're not forgotten. I've got some ideas for you too. All right, so let's let's dive in. Okay, so the 24 hour gratitude reset. This is something I've shared with my clients as well. And you guys, I gotta tell you, it makes a really big difference. So I know for myself, when I've thought of a gratitude practice in the past, and I like, you take the time to write things down, and I'd be grateful for my house, my family, my husband, okay, food in the refrigerator and food on the table, right? And then here's the thing is that, If I wasn't like, yes, I'm feeling grateful for those things, but if I'm still kind of like struggling and just like something's a little off, then I feel guilty. If I have all that, why do I have any reason to be unhappy? Right? Why aren't I grateful for the house, family, job, et cetera? So this, this practice is 24 hour gratitude practice is different in that for the next 24 hours. So if you're listening now, I want you to be thinking ahead to tomorrow at this time or whether, whether you do your gratitude practice in the morning or lunch or right before you go to bed. So think of. the last 24 hours. And again, it helps to do this tomorrow, like one day from now. Being looking for three to five things that have happened in that 24 hours that you are grateful for. It could be really simple things. It could be the fact that the dog did not go crazy when the doorbell rang. Like, my gosh, that would be huge in our house ⁓ if the dog stayed calm and collected when the doorbell rang. That would be a huge thing to be grateful for. But in the scheme of things, right? It's really not that big of a deal, right? Trying to think of other small things. Like if you made a dish and it turned out perfectly, like you tried to imitate a restaurant dish and you made it and it turned out really good and you loved it. ⁓ So that would be something on the smallish side. And maybe you had an interaction at the store. Maybe somebody complimented your new haircut It doesn't have to be anything big. I don't have a list. But those are just things that are coming to mind. But be looking for those things because what happens is it's training your brain. Your brain is gonna be looking for positive things and interaction because it knows that's you're looking for, right? And it's gonna be asked, okay, look back on the last 24 hours, what are three to five things that I'm grateful for? And I do encourage you to write it down because it is really powerful. The act of writing it down just kind of cements it in your brain. And then it also helps you to go back and look on it. And it might be, know, somebody held the door open for you instead of letting it slam in your face like it has before. The opposite of this, when you are looking, when you're in a negative mindset and outlook, your brain is looking for things to prove what you're already thinking and feeling. So, you know, that person just cut you off with their card at the store versus somebody let you in, right? whether you're driving on the road or in the groceries. I was at Costco today, can you tell? And it was really, really, really busy at Costco. But instead of thinking like, ⁓ they're so crowded and people cut me off, it's like, no, you know what? I had people that I smiled at, they smiled back. I had people I let go in front of me and I had people that let me go in front of them. Like, you know, I'm looking for those things instead of the negative. And again, it trains your brain to be looking for those. So just a very simple journal prompts. What are three to five things in the last 24 hours that happened that I'm thankful for? Doesn't matter how small or how big and it'll you'll see that your outlook on your day to day is going to change. So that's my my tip on 24 hour gratitude. And what 24 hour and that sounds like you're like gratitude all the time and you can't be anything but but it's a 24 hour window for you're looking back. OK, so. Part two, navigating holiday conversations, right? Even families that are close. We can kind of stumble on some tender spots when we're together, right? And there might be, mean, okay, here's an example. I remember this when I was younger. And so if you have anyone coming to your Thanksgiving table or you're going to someone else's Thanksgiving table and there are young adults there or even say teenagers, please don't ask them about their dating life. If they are single and they are dating someone and they want you to know, I promise they will tell you. So I recall being asked this question at so many family gatherings. So are you dating anyone? Are you seeing anyone? You're such a pretty girl. You wouldn't have any problem finding someone to date. It's like, okay, great. Thank you. What do you say back to that, right? So, and then I can't believe it, even though I hated being asked that question, there was someone at... ⁓ one of our Thanksgiving gatherings, this is probably 10 years ago or so, and he was single at the time, a relative, and I had asked, so are you seeing anyone? And his response was something like, as soon as I am, you'll be the first to know. I was like, ⁓ gosh, I'm so sorry for asking. So just avoid that. Again, if they are seeing someone and they want you to know, they will tell you, okay? You don't need to ask. So that's just one example. But you also, know, the political climate right now is just really ⁓ dicey. I don't know what else to say. There's just so much that's been going on, particularly here in the U.S. Our government has been shut down for I don't know how many days, almost 40 days or something. And so there's a lot of opinions around how things are going. And even if you think you know people's political, you know, which side of the aisle, so to speak, that they're on. it's probably best just to leave those conversations for another time, right? Because you probably have a diverse group of thinking and you don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. rather than talking about dating or ⁓ dating or politics or even religion, some other safe, meaningful conversation starters could be upcoming travel plans, right? That's pretty neutral. ⁓ And so, yeah, do you have any trips planned, you know, or any Anything planned for the holiday season? you're talking Thanksgiving, if it's Christmas time that you're getting together, you could be asking about their travel plans or hopes for 2026. And here's another one. Like if they've like had watched any great shows lately, like tell them you're going to be taking some time off at the end of the year and you're looking for a series to binge watch on Netflix. Got any ideas for me? or any good books they've read or movies, or have you seen this movie? Just things that you could throw out that are kind of neutral. And they're very, well, I think those are all very neutral. You can ask if they picked up any hobbies this year or if they have any new hobbies that they wanna start. And with that, you can also be asking about New Year's, right? you can just ask, you know, have you thought about any plans for the new year or have you set any new year's resolutions? And so those would all be meaningful and safe conversation starters. And then if you are in a job search, you could be talking about that as well and asking other people about their careers. You can ask them specifically about how your job is going. You can ask how they like being in that industry. Ask if they have any career plans or changes for the next year. Most likely, they're going to turn around and ask you those questions as well. But I do recommend talking about your career aspirations at these events, because if you have a target list of companies or types of roles you're interested in, you want to share that with the people that are in your network, right? So whether they are cousin Bob's wife, Sally, ⁓ or your neighbor or whoever, they know people that you don't know. So the more people that you share about your job search, that you share with them, the more people are going to be able to help you, right? the more natural networking method. We're putting this into the context here too, is instead of like, you you're in a networking event and you're all formal and serious, this is casual, right? You're just having a Thanksgiving dinner, but you can be asking about their career and then the most likely they're going to ask about your career and then you can bring up your aspirations and, and, you know, hopefully maybe ways that they can help you. So topics to avoid just to cover that real quick, dating, politics, religion, anything tied to weight, aging or appearance. Okay. So you don't need to say, Oh, it looks like you've put on some weight or, okay. So we, we, we know not to go there. If you are asked some of those awkward type of questions, here are ways that you can redirect. So for example, I'm not diving into that today, but I did watch a great show recently and I have you seen it, right? So you just totally redirected. Okay. So those are hopefully some conversation starters and things to kind of like, keep things even keeled over the Thanksgiving holiday. And then part three that I wanted to talk about, when Thanksgiving looks different. So not having traditional plans, it's actually more common than people admit. You can have the empty nest transitions, right? The kids that didn't come home because there just wasn't enough money in the budget to fly them home knowing that they're coming home in two weeks, right? So those kids might be... When I say kids, mean young adults, they might be doing Thanksgiving alone up at their college. ⁓ And then you might be doing Thanksgiving without your kids. ⁓ Or maybe your kids are dating and they're going to their partner's family rather than yours. Of course, divorce, then there's work schedules. ⁓ It could be that there was a death, which is really hard to face a holiday without your loved one. Or it just be, you know what? I just want a quiet year. So if you are in a situation where maybe you don't have plans and you're looking for connection, ⁓ there was someone I saw on the Nextdoor app. So if you don't have that, it's just a social... social platform for neighborhoods and kind of the neighborhood defined pretty broadly, pretty wide. But I saw somebody post on there saying, like what ideas do you have for someone who is gonna be spending the holiday alone? And it was great because the community came together and gave this person a lot of ideas. And I think they got two or three invitations out of that as well as. I saw some people chatting in the comments about, I'm in the same situation. If you want a private message, maybe we can go grab a coffee together to get to know each other. Right. So you just, you never know. Of course you need to be careful because you've been talking to strangers, but it's in our community. so anyway, that's one, I just wanted to share that concept. And some of the ideas that came up from that post was volunteering. So volunteering at a shelter. or volunteer and serve a meal and you're going to meet other people and you're not going to be alone, right? And you're also going to get a meal. And even if you can't be with your loved ones on a holiday, maybe schedule a time for a video chat or just a phone call or even just texting to say, I'm thinking of you. Here's some other ideas. You could plan a treat day for yourself. So whether that's like a spa treatment, probably at home, because I would think that most spa services are ⁓ closed for the day. but do something special at home for yourself. Maybe it's going on a hike or a walk, or even just a cozy movie marathon. Whatever it is that's something that you wanna do that is just fun, do it. And maybe you cook one special dish rather than the entire Thanksgiving thing, right? You could also start holiday decorating early if it brings you happiness. You can do a creative project and maybe create a new tradition just for yourself. So solo does not have to mean lonely and quiet doesn't have to mean sad and different isn't wrong, right? You're going to do what's right for you. I hope this episode resonated with whether you start doing a 24 hour gratitude practice, and this is something that I encourage you to do all year long, I usually just talk about it in November, but it is a great practice to start for the whole year. start doing start doing or having tips for conversation starters around the Thanksgiving table or ideas for how to navigate a different type of Thanksgiving if things have changed for I hope this episode Well friends, happy Thanksgiving. I am really grateful For each and every one of you. And I have a quick favor to ask. If you are finding the show helpful in any way, shape or form, it would mean so much to me. I would be so full of gratitude if you could rate and review the show, that just means the world to me. and it lets other people find the show as well.

Christina:

All right, well with that, that is the end of this week's episode. And just a quick reminder, you might have noticed if you've been listening for a while that the episodes have dropped to bi-weekly. So they're coming out every two weeks rather than weekly. So just a reminder that it'll be a couple of weeks before you see the, before you hear the next one. All right. Have a wonderful rest of November and we'll talk to you in December. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope this episode hit on for you. And if you haven't already, be sure to connect with me online and say hello. Like importantly, thank you for listening. Until next time, remember that your story is immediately your mind and your next capture is already.