121. Job Search Networking for People Who Hate Networking

If the word networking makes you want to hide in the corner, this episode is for you.

Networking doesn’t have to mean walking into a crowded professional event, making awkward small talk, or asking strangers for a job. In this episode, Christina reframes networking as something much simpler: connecting with people.

Through real-life stories from her own life and her clients’ job searches, Christina shares how everyday conversations with neighbors, other parents, yoga classmates, former colleagues, and friends can lead to unexpected introductions and career opportunities. You’ll hear why curiosity is one of the best networking skills you can develop, how to reconnect with people you haven’t talked to in years, and why you need to let people know what you’re looking for before they can help.

You’ll also learn practical networking strategies for introverts, including how volunteering can make professional events easier and why a target employer list can make your networking conversations more productive.

Whether you’re returning to work, making a midlife career change, or actively looking for your next role, this episode will help you approach networking in a way that feels more natural, genuine, and human.

Episode resources:
Target Employer List: Episode 118

For a Networking Guide, email christina@hernextchapters.com

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Transcript

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Christina Kohl 0:00

Hi, friends, and welcome to this week's episode of Her Next Chapters. I'm Christina, your host. And, you know, I was thinking this week how strange it is that I'm a podcaster. Because honestly, you guys, I am an inherently shy person, which I know is crazy that I'm putting myself out there in this way, right? Talking to people. I mean, even as a little kid, I remember my mom introducing me as shy, because I would be hiding behind her leg as I'd be meeting somebody new. And I'm still shy, but I really have learned to put myself out there. Um and shy with another word for that would be introvert, is what we would call ourselves today as a grown-ups. And as an introvert, networking, the whole idea of networking can be absolutely terrifying, especially if what you consider as networking is showing up to a big event, a big professional event, and everyone's dressed up and everyone else seems to know people and they're all talking to each other, and you're there alone, you don't know anybody, and you have to introduce yourself to strangers and talk about yourself, and it just really uh feels icky, right? And networking can feel exactly that. It can feel icky, like you're using someone else. It can feel really inauthentic, um, like you're not being genuine, you're trying to get something from someone. Networking needs a rebrand. And it's really not as scary as it sounds. And so I want to um offer a reframe for networking. And this is whether you are looking for a job. I mean, we talk about that a lot here, but also at this stage of life, um, for myself, my kids are all in their 20s, which, oh my gosh, it's hard to believe. Um, they aren't fully launched, like they're still like you're trying to find their first career job, some are still in college. But it's definitely different from even a social standpoint, because when my kids were younger, my social life was wrapped up in all of the kids' activities. Maybe you can relate to this. Um, you know, whether you're on the sidelines of soccer or baseball and gymnastics, scouts, um, music recitals, plays, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, you know, I had I was involved in both. Um, that my social network, my the people that I was friends with were the parents of my my kids' friends. And, you know, sometimes those are seasonal, right? Of baseball. So we might have a four or five month season and then I don't see them for a while, um, at least a couple months off at those kind of year-round. But anyway, you get the point that when that slows down or even ends, it's a lot harder to make friends, right? And I know this, even like right after college ended, like in college, we're surrounded by people our age with similar aspirations. And then you go, you graduate college, you start working, and it's like, well, where are my people? And so in midlife, when our kids have gotten older and we don't have all of those activities to tie us to new people, we have to learn how to start over. And this is true whether you're in a job search or not. So I kind of wanted to talk about networking um as just reframing it as socializing, right? It doesn't have to be this big, scary, formal thing. It's just socializing, it's connecting with another person. And one thing I want to plant a seed on is that there might be people that you like, you know, what I worked with them 10 years ago. It's been too long. And or maybe it's someone that is like I was thinking of someone the other day, Diana. Hi, Diana, I'm gonna reach out to you. Um, our kids were her daughter and my son were in elementary school together, and we would go, we were there in person picking them up because we we were far, we lived far enough where we lived. We needed, we didn't have buses, so we had to do it ourselves. And so when we're waiting for school to get out, we would see each other and we would chat. And we've gone out, um, you know, for coffee or breakfast or whatever a few times together. But I I haven't seen her for years, but I was thinking about her today. So what better reason to reach out to her just to say, hi, I was thinking about you. That's it. And you might say, well, it's been our kids are now 20 years old, and elementary school is a long time ago, and our kids weren't necessarily friends. They were just classmates in elementary school. Um, but I would love to to get in touch with Diana and find out how she is and what's going on in her world, as she's an empty nester. And you could say I could be telling myself, myself talk to talk myself out of it to say, oh, it's been too long. We and we don't have anything in common anymore. And you know, she is she even gonna remember me. Well, here's the thing. If you remember them, they're more very likely to remember you. So I remember Diana very clearly. So I'm confident that she remembers me too, and that when she hears from me, so I'm putting this out there publicly, um, I'm gonna, when I'm done recording this, I'm going to send a text message to Diana. And assuming her phone number hasn't changed, she's gonna get that message, and most likely she's gonna feel really good. And that I thought of her and that that I just reached out to say hello. And that's what networking is, you guys. It's it's just being social, it's connecting with another human, and it doesn't have to be about your job search. Anyone can be an introduction. You don't know, you don't know who that who's in their network, right? If you are job searching, like so I use this example of Diana, um, a parent friend from elementary school with my kids at least 10 years ago. I don't know who else Diana knows. So if I'm just being curious and checking in and like I want to connect with you, and how have you been? And then something might come up in our conversation that could lead to another introduction that I wasn't expecting or anticipating, right? So it's just being real with people, talking to people. And if that doesn't, maybe that doesn't fit the definition of networking, right? When you're looking for a job, that's okay. It's connecting with people, it's human to human. And you never know where things are gonna go, right? So I want to help with that rebrand of networking because it it feels so uncomfortable that really you're just talking to another person. And I want to give you a couple of examples. And what prompted me today, this very day, to talk about networking is that I have new neighbors who moved in across the street a few months ago. They took possession, but they didn't live there yet. We hadn't seen them move in. We saw a lot of construction work going on. Um, it just there was a busy, a lot of busyness at the house, but it didn't look like people live there. And so I didn't know when to go over to introduce myself. And then after a while, it was obvious, oh, they are there now, but there's still some construction, so I'm still a little confused. And when is the right time? And I usually have my dog with me when I'm out and about in the neighborhood. And my dog is not friendly when she's on leash. Just once you come in the house, you're okay. But I can't really socialize very well with my dog. Anyway, today I was outside putting something in my mailbox to be picked up, and she was out on her driveway with her two dogs. And I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna go over right now and say hello. And we had a lovely conversation. Her name is Melanie. Hi, Melanie. It was so great to meet you today. And here's the thing: I wasn't trying to network. That was not the goal at all. I was just trying to meet a new neighbor and, you know, get to know her, welcome her to the neighborhood. Turns out they moved from out of state and they did do a ton of remodeling. And I'm interested in doing some remodeling of my house. So here's the thing: Melanie has already vetted people so that made brand new cabinets for her. She's already priced it out. She's worked with different vendors. She picked the best one. She's very pleased with their work. She offered to share their contact information with me and the uh countertops as well. Same thing. She got a lot of quotes. She picked the best one and they did great work. Those are recommendations that I didn't go over there looking to get recommendations or referrals for this remodeling project I'm thinking of, but I have them now or I will. And so then I turned around and asked her, I'm like, you know, since you guys are new, let me know if you need any recommendations, you know, whether it's for the doctor, the vet, whatever she. And so, yes, we had a whole conversation. So I've now written on a card my hairstylist, the eye doctor I see, the pediatrician that I use for 20 plus years with my kids, um, my doctors, she was asking me, where do I go for dry cleaning? And for the veterinary, this opportunity person to person to get to know each other has resulted in mutual referrals, right? And I didn't go over there to offer that specifically. But human to human, person to person, that's what came out of it. And that's a form of networking, right? And it may not feel like the traditional job search form of networking, but I'm just referring her to five or six different businesses that I can recommend. And so from a social standpoint, that's connecting with people. I don't I I wish networking had another name that I could come up with, but in the meantime, it's networking. And let's put that into a job search scenario. So one of the clients I'm working with right now, she's like, Christina, I am like I'm an introvert, but I can be an extrovert. And I'm like, oh, that's that's got a name. It's ambivert. Look it up. It's AM, I don't know how to spell it. Ambivert. So you're a little bit of both. I'm like, oh, that's what I am. I that's how I identify myself. I can be very social and outgoing, but I'm also introverted and quiet. And um anyway, networking seems like scary and hard. And she shared with me this past week that she was at a meetup with some other Girl Scout moms, you know, that, you know, obviously her daughters and Girl Scouts. And she met up with these moms and she doesn't usually talk about her career. But it came up, you know, I'm not sure the exact question that was asked, but she had shared with with someone at the group that, yeah, I'm looking for a new job. They said, really? Like, what do you want to do? She says, Well, I want to work in philanthropy. Oh, well, I work in philanthropy at this organization. I would love to set up a time to chat with you. That is networking. Like, how would you even know what these other moms do unless you talk about it, right? Was she was it icky? No. Was it one-sided? No. People genuinely want to help, but they need to know what you need. And unless you speak up, they're never gonna know. Um, another example, and I know I've talked about this on the show before, um, but you may not have listened to all the 120 episodes. There was one of my clients. She was at yoga, and I think it was on a Friday morning, she was at a regular yoga class. And after class, they were chatting with a new classmate, someone who had joined for the first time. And the question came up, probably something like, you know, what are you doing, you know, the rest of the day? Because it was a morning class. And she said, Well, you know what? I'm updating my resume because I'm applying for this position. And as they continued to talk, it turns out, so she was applying for a director of finance position. Well, it turns out this new classmate knows this, the CFO, the chief financial officer at the organization. He's like, Oh, gosh, send me your resume. I'll pass it on to my friend. So you would never know that, right? That how would you know that a new person at your yoga class knows the person who could become your boss, right? So those connections can happen literally anywhere, anytime, if you are talking about yourself. And so it's putting yourself out there. But here's the thing too with networking, it's being curious about the other person first and how can you help them? And if you start with curiosity, and curiosity could be, you know, how's your day? What what do you have planned the rest of the day? That's being curious, right? And then more than likely, they're gonna answer, right? And then they're gonna turn around and ask you the same question. Oh, what this is I'm doing today, you know, I'm gonna be heading back to the to the office, whatever. Um, but what are you doing today? Well, I'm I'm submitting my resume for this job. So you just never know where those conversations are gonna lead. It's just connecting person to person. Um, I'm gonna give you one more example about networking that happened at a dinner table. It was uh uh my son's baseball teammates that family we had been on the sidelines for you know for a couple of years, cheering our kids on, um, taking them to practices and so you get to know people. And they invited us over for dinner, so was our two families. And it was after, it was like um in December, I think after Christmas, but before New Year's. And the host, she had asked me, um, you know, hey, what are your resolutions for next year? And I announced to the table, well, I'm going back to the workforce. I'm in the job market. And she asked, you know, what do you do? Human resources. Oh my gosh, I need to introduce you to my neighbor. She lives next door or two doors down, and she is the director of recruiting at the local hospital. And she did. She made that introduction for me that resulted in a phone call. And I applied for the job. And the the director of recruiting, who I had only met, you know, that week, she had hand delivered, placed my paper version of my resume on the desk of the hiring manager for the position. And how do I know that? Because the hiring manager told me when she called me and said, I'm not sure how your resume landed on my desk, but it did, and I need to talk to you. So you just, you never know where these conversations are going to go, but it has to start with you um being curious about others and also being brave enough to share even just a little teeny bit about your goals. Um, the one client she just said, I'm looking for a new job. That was how it started the conversation. Uh, the other one, I'm submitting my resume today, me saying I'm returning to the workforce. All three of those are leading to more connections and introductions that are meaningful. And so it's it wasn't at a big professional association luncheon where you walk in as a stranger. These are people you know or you or that you're interacting with in your daily life. And if you're not interacting with people in your daily life, then I would encourage you to start doing that. And it doesn't have to be that professional association. Yes, it can be. If you have a professional association that has events nearby, yes, go to those and get to know people. And for me, as an introvert, a shy person, the easiest way for me to plug in at those events is to volunteer. They always need volunteers, right? So can I can I help check people in? Then you have a purpose, right? You're meeting everybody because you are checking people in and you get to know the other volunteers, the other people that are in leadership in the organization. Um, I've actually was called upon to introduce a speaker in a room full of 100 people. By volunteering, you get more visible and you get more opportunities to meet people. So, yes, you can absolutely do that type of formal networking. And again, the volunteering makes it feel like a little easier, at least for me. But in general, these other examples I gave you, so a Girl Scout mom, a yoga participant, um, a parents from from scouting or not scouting parents from baseball and their neighbor, right? So none of those were professional connections, but all of them led to professional introductions. So for you, what what might that look like? And I and I don't have the answer for you. I'm just asking you to be thinking about that. So you can go into a meetup. Um, meetup is a an app that has all kinds of groups, all different topics. Go on to meetup, it's meetup.com and search whatever is of interest to you. If it's um singing, you know, maybe or improv or I'm just trying to think of different things on there, you know, going for a hike, going kayaking. There's groups that do all kinds of things. And do something that you enjoy, and that's gonna put you around people. And then as you're getting to know new people, that's where you just simply ask questions about them. Oh, what do you do? What is your career? Um, how do you spend your time? Uh, what's coming up for you? You know, what are your goals? Or, you know, look especially when it's like transitions and uh New Year's resolutions is a perfect time of transitions, but you guys, this is I'm talking to you in the middle of August when it's back to school season. So a really easy question is well, now that the kids are back in school, what are you up to? You know, how does that change things for you for your daily life? You know, or and it could be that you're talking to a stay-at-home parent or you might be talking to someone who's working full-time outside of the home. These days that could be remote and in the home. But regardless, now that the kids are going to school this fall, what what are you doing for yourself? Are you do you have any trips planned this fall? Just asking questions of other people and being curious is gonna make you interesting, number one, and then make it easier to have those conversations because you're not all focused about me and I gotta get a job and can you hire me? That's not the networking. We're just connecting person to person. You're gonna find those commonalities. And when you're answering for yourself that you are in a job search, they're gonna ask you questions. Really, what are you looking for? What types of roles? And then at the this is an episode of a few episodes back. I'll go look up the number and I'll put it in the show notes. But a target employer list, that would be a really helpful thing to have if you are going into these conversations. Okay, these conversations I just mentioned, none of them are planned to talk about careers. None of them. But it can come up, right? So I encourage you to go listen to the target employer list, um, the target employer podcast episode, because that's gonna be more helpful when you are in when you get in a conversation with someone and they ask how they can help you with your job search if it goes in that direction. Having a list of employers, I was like, do you know anyone who works here? I would love to have an introduction at any of these companies. That gives them something more concrete that they can help you with. So go back to listen to that episode because it's a very useful tool when you are having conversations with people, reconnecting with people. And start with all those people that that you know that maybe you lost touch with. Old classmates, old colleagues, the parents of kids that maybe you're not in Taekwondo anymore, but you you hung out with them a lot when your kid was doing taekwondo, just to reach out to say, hey, I was thinking about you. How are you? Right? That just opens the door. So again, networking, trying to get a rebrand of um uh to update the image of networking, that it's just being human, connecting with another human. All right. Well, with that, I hope this is helpful. Um, if you want to know more, I do have a a networking guide that um I'm happy to share. Just send me an email, Christina at her next chapters.com, and I'll get you that networking guide so that you can take a look at it. And it kind of puts all of this into well, everything we talked about today kind of puts that in there with a few other uh a few extras in it besides to make it easy and not so scary and overwhelming, particularly for those of us that are shy introverts. All right, friends, that's it for this week. Have a wonderful week, and I'll talk to you next time. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope this episode hit fun for you. And if you haven't already, be sure to connect with my own. And say hello. I can first say thank you for listening.